TWO SOULS: INTO THE FIRE
Steve led Ghost down to the water's edge. They walked a few minutes, moving back as the tide brought the waves farther up onto the sand. Sighing, Steve stopped to sit awhile, and they both watched the moon rise above the horizon, making the darkness of the water sparkle.
Sighing again, Steve asked, "Are you afraid of me?"
Ghost hesitated for just a second, then slowly shook his head. "No..." he whispered.
Steve barely heard the word over the rhythmic sounds of the waves, but his heart skipped a beat. He knew Ghost was lying. Putting his fingers to his forehead, he closed his eyes. "Look at what I've done. I've hurt you more times than I can count, and now you are having to lie to me, and yourself, and I know that is something you just don't do. It's my fault, I know that. I'm to blame for everything. Me, and my god damn temper...and God knows, I've tried. I've tried, Ghost. I'll never stop trying to get it under control, to make things better."
Shaking his head, and swallowing hard, he continued. "I'm not making any excuses, and I don't want you to make any for me, either. There is nothing good about what I've done. I'm sorry, so sorry for all of the pain I've caused you."
Ghost started to say something, but Steve stopped him. "No...wait...I wish you would get angry at me...hate me...tell me to fuck off, and mean it...but, that's not you. I'm no good for you, Ghost. I've messed up your life too many times. I should have never tried to keep you...like a caged up bird or something, making it seem like you're a prisoner, only doing what I wanted for you to do. I'm ashamed at how many times I've begged you to love me, when you could have gone anywhere, done anything, and had the kind of life you deserved...not full of pain."
Ghost could feel Steve's anguish. He knew Steve was hurting inside, as much as he himself was. Reaching for Steve, he brought him close, sobbing into his hair. ...the truth hurts, it hurts so bad...
"Don't, Ghost. Don't try to make me feel better. I don't want to feel better, when I've made you miserable all this time. I know that now. I tried to stop hurting you...I tried to stop thinking it, hoping it would go away, but it hasn't, and I haven't. Look at what I did, just tonight."
Ghost raised up his head. "Steve, stop hating yourself. It doesn't matter, I told you before."
"It does matter. It has to stop. I have to stop, and I know you won't...so I have to be the one...to call it off...to stop myself from hurting you...by hurting you this one last time. It has to be over...we have to be over. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel I won't ever change enough before something even worse happens."
Ghost looked into Steve's eyes, really looked. There was just enough moonlight to see the tears on Steve's face, his dark eyes full of pain. Brushing away the tears with his fingers, putting the drops into his mouth, he said, "You are part of me, Steve, you always have been. I would have no life, no reason to live, without you...even then, even now, forever more."
Ghost continued to stare into Steve's eyes, holding his gaze steady. "You won't ever be rid of me, Steve. I've seen to that, a long, long, time ago. You can try, you can hurt me, you can kill me again, it does not matter. We are bonded, we are blood, we are...we are..."
Steve was getting a strange vibe from Ghost. His thoughts of leaving were being pushed right out of his mind. The thoughts were fading away. While he was trying to recapture them, because he'd said them out loud, and they were important, he was also thinking, "Ghost is in a trance...he's acting weird...he's controlling my mind, right now..."
It was such a strange feeling, and he was powerless to stop it. "Maybe Ghost put a spell on me, or a curse. Maybe that curse from long ago, or maybe a new one. He's not afraid of me...uh-uh...but, I'm afraid of him..." He'd never thought about it like that, before. It was totally opposite...he'd never had any control over Ghost, but he was, and had been controlled by Ghost...to be Ghost's puppet, his whimsy, to be manipulated...even the bad stuff. Ghost was making a fantasy of his dreams come to be real life. This was too much to think about. He didn't understand it at all. He just wanted to make it stop.
His heart pounding, he came to this crazy conclusion. "This is the most unreal thought I've ever had...this is not my thinking at all, it is Ghost's. Why is he making me think crazy things?" He shook his head, trying to clear it of the whirling thoughts. Images were flashing non-stop, faster and faster, one after the other...and still, Ghost stared into his eyes.
"How can I have thoughts about my thoughts, at the same time... and his, too. What the hell is happening?" He closed his eyes; he had to break away from Ghost's intense gaze. "I'm the crazy one," he said. "I have been all along, just like Melody said. She knew...she knew..." He took a shuddery breath. "Ghost?" he breathed out. "Am I dying? Is this what if feels like...everything I ever did keeps flashing in my head, like a fast forward movie, or something."
He opened his eyes, just for a second, to see if Ghost was still staring at him. He was...and he was grinning his crooked grin. "Make it stop, please, Ghost, make it stop." Steve's teeth were chattering, now, but he felt waves of heat rushing into his face, at the same time.
Next part coming soon!
Peace, Love, & Writing